Taquet Financial Report
September 23rd, 2005
GETTING OUR DUCKS IN A ROW
The financial gurus of Taquet Film are preparing a row of ducks, which will then be bronzed in liquid gold, in which top executives will be allowed to pick and eat. In other words...I'm not quite sure what that means myself. Regardless, there are ducks involved. Somewhere, I believe. In some topic somewhere, I strongly believe that ducks are relevant. You understand that the financial state of Taquet is going strong. My suggestion would be to buy as much stock as you can get your grubby little freak hands on. That wasn't very nice, and to be frank, it wasn't aimed at you. Not Frank, at least. He's our accountant. Frank was just fired. Does anyone know why Frank was just fired? Frank, why don't you tell us? "I was fired because I can't add." That's right, folks, Franky, our accountant, can't add. Do you know what we do with accountants that can't add? We barbeque them. Figuratively, of course, but still just as delicious. And also sometimes literally. So. Also, Taquet Film openly puts in to practice a nationwide BAN on Pizza Mart. We'll see who messes with who from now on. Ain't gonna take no lip from no pizza mart. We make films boy. Well, sort of. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is sharper than that, and that is this. BUY TAQUET STOCK NOW, it's only going up baby.
September 1st, 2005
WHAT AM I DOING WITH THIS MIC??
Thank you, but I'm not quite ready yet. I'll be right there with your report. Ok...ahem...ready to go. Are we rolling? Good. I'm standing here in front of what looks to be the Taquet Film stock report. After a dreary Summer at the box offices, Taquet Film seems to be making up for it. Several surges made August one of the most profitable months of the Summer. But not surprisingly, most of the success came from films that had already been released. "Ghost, Echo, Darkness" and "Footage From 9-11" topped the charts reeling in viewers from across the world. So where do they go from here? Well, Taquet Film has several VERY large projects in the works right now, which coinsides with the rumor that Taquet's palet has transformed from lots of little things to larger projects. Listen, there's a lot more to talk about here, but I'm getting darn badgered at freaking work here so I gotta run, and leave the general public confused, uninformed, and scared.

August 15th, 2005
LOCK, STOCK, AND TWO SMOKING FOOLS
Ahhh, the stock of Taquet Film. For years, many believed it was untouchable...born from immortal parents. For years, these people were right. With members of their esteemed video team circulating around the Internet, representing the mammoth beast of a film company, and the executives sitting pretty with a second income source, it should be only a matter of weeks before the massive debt accummulated by years of incompetent accountants is cleaned up and forgotten for good. Currently, the juggernauts for Taquet Film are "Footage from 9-11" and "Ghost, Echo, Darkness, Ghost." But when will Taquet produce more Basement Reels, you ask. When?? WHEN? As soon as the dust clears. As in: soon. This week. Ahem. Probably. SO let me just say that there are a LOT of Taquet videos currently in production. Maybe the biggest is the porch-front production of "KING LEAR." Where is that, you ask. Where?? I know you fools taped the whole deal with two cameras. Um, soon? As I mentioned. Listen, I gotta run folks. It's been nice. I can't take all this yelling.

No idea what this means.
June 13th, 2005
STOCK DOES SOMETHING

The truth is, we don't believe that anyone can decipher these graphs, not even scientists. Taquet Film, possibly one of the most enormous film companies of our time, gave their top experts diamond watches last Christmas. The State of Taquet's purse is healthy, solid, and definitely on the upswing. Experts: BUY BUY BUY. Also, look for the launch of Taquet's lucrative DVD deal on Wednesday, June 15th, 2005. "How To Score Us." The future is bleak! I mean, bright!

What does this all mean? No one knows. What we do know is that ratings are up from the previous weekend. Some liken this to the incredibly lazy and unproductive weekend put forth by Taquet. But then again, what to some know? Some know a lot sometimes, but maybe some should keep their mouth's shut.
May 10th, 2005
STOCK PLUMMETS
Taquet Film is in the midst of releasing the largest, most intensive, and undoubtedly most lucrative TV series of all time, however, yesterday the film company enjoyed one of the largest stock plummets in history. Stock holders are left wondering: "There's a television series?" To which Taquet promptly responded (to its media spokesman): "You're fired."

Yesterday was a cold, dark day within the hallowed halls of Taquet Film's website. No Chipotle Diaries to speak of. Not to fear! Taquet returns today with the regularly scheduled "Diaries," as well as offer another tiny preview of some of the series' footage. "The recent drop is insignificant," says Taquet head Arthur Canterbury, "all these numbers are (insignificant) once the series is done. That's where most of our efforts are going right now. We'll try our best to set up a structure where we can display an update of our progress."

Many fans would be satisfied with a simple explanation of the TV series. I haven't met anyone that knows what in swallow's name they're talking about.

May 2nd, 2005
TAQUET STOCK ON UPSWING
Wait a second, the stock holders are held captive in the dark for more than a month and all you are going to release is one lousy paragraph (projected) on the financial state of the company?? Sure, you might be upset now, but wait until those dividends start piling in! "Honey, we need to build another addition to the house, dang it! Where the heck else are we gonna put all these checks from Taquet?" Listen, everyone just sit tight, real still, and prepare to experience total financial autonomy. You can do it! The question is: can we? Sit tight? No. Make money? Like it's our job.
March 17, 2005
TAQUET STOCK ON UPSWING
The market looks promising as Taquet stock practically bursts through the roof. Let me first explain in detail for all you market riders out ther, let me explain because I'm being paid by Update to do so. If I didn't explain, I wouldn't have a job. In fact, I probably shouldn't be writing every last word down on this stock report that I'm thinking in my head because that makes poor analysis. So let's get into it. Taquet Film is like a gigantic balloon being filled up with air. It is getting bigger and bigger. Soon, as we know from market study, this balloon will pop and rain confetti down everywhere. Those without umbrellas will simply have to buy one. A Taquet-issued umbrella that is. Just $21.95.
March 17, 2005
IDEAS TO STOP THE BLEEDING
A day usually synonomous with the color green should lend itself well to a film company that sees more green in a day than a frog on a baseball field...it should...but lately reports have been collecting that show Taquet Film may be experiencing their first bouts of red. Red? As in romance? Ho, ho, ho...couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, one exec believes that's the very factor responsible for diverting the course of action in the first place. Should the CEO take a vow of celibacy until the films start flowing again? Most women would shutter at the thought. Whether this old truck is jump started, kick started, or just dumped in a junk yard, one thing's for certain...it can't stay in the front yard.
March 16, 2005
TAQUET STOCK DEPARTMENT REINSTATED
In a stunning decision yesterday, the Bored of Taquet decided to reactivate the Financial Services Branch of Taquet Film. Reporters and stockholders turned out in huge numbers yesterday for a press conference held by none other than the Chairman of Board himself, Chairman Frutkin. The Chairman explained that Taquet stock had been booming so high and extraordinary for so long that he felt there was little need for a continuation of positive reports. "Fortunately," remarked Frutkin, "there's been a back-breaking downswing of popularity among the general public, making the stock news actually interesting once again!" The rest of the Board, including Arther Canterbury, decided this would be a good breaking point for breakfast. And that's exactly what the Board did, go to breakfast, and it was wonderful.
November 22th, 2004
STOCK BOOM EXPLAINED
The last two weeks have shown significant growth for the already enormous and almost too successful film company, Taquet Film. Experts are now convinced that they have pinpointed the exact cause of this phenomena. The spike began on November 3rd, 2004, a date that may hold a special place for some stock holders. Besides being a clean 90 days before Groundhog Day, this day is also known for being the day after November 2nd, or in this year's case, Election Day. According to specualtion by some stock and Governmental agencies, there is a definite coorelation between Taquet stock and the Presidential Cabinet. Update caught up with some of its members.
RICHARD CHENEY, Vice President
"I stumbled upon the Taquet Film a couple weeks ago, right after that election if I'm remembering correctly, and happen to agree with many of their policies. I oiled a message over to George and Condi, suggesting we may just have found our new source of intelligence."
CONDOLEEZZA RICE, National Security Advisor (Current)
"Dick et George sont d'habitude internetting toute la journée, pero raramente me incluye en su pequeño "el club de chico." I was happy to be included. I forwarded the link to Don."
DONALD RUMSFELD, Secretary of Defense
"Am I happy about learning of this website from Condi? No. Do I think the Dick should have forwarded it to me himself? Yes. Nevertheless, does Taquet offer topnotch advice on nation defense? The oil is, of course, oil. Did I forward it to anyone else? Oil, I sent it to Zoellick. Now shut your mouth and stop writing this trash before Dick and I oil up your war oil money corporate McOil!! And Zoellick, shut up in advance you jackass!"
ROBERT ZOELLICK, United States Trade Representative
"I kept telling my wife and friends that Donald and I were good buddies but no one believed until I forwarded them all the email he sent me with this link for some film company on it. I still can't believe he included me! Yay! LOL.

OMG...I just read Donald's response. I'm sad again."

COLIN POWELL, Secretary of State (Resigned)
"Zoellick seriously got this email chain before I did?"

November 17th, 2004
STOCK REPORT STILL ELUSIVE
The stock report is actually sort of moody this morning and would appreciate if you would come back later on after it has showered and eaten a bit. Thanks!
November 16th, 2004
WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN
The public is demanding to know the true nature of the "breaking news" concerning Taquet Stock. The public doesn't always know what's good for them and quite frankly should keep the upheavel to a minimum. Update is working on it. That company is just so damn secure with its records and its hard to speculate or lie like we usually do. It's coming soon. I promise.
November 15th, 2004
IS THIS IT? THIS IS THE NEWS??
Some of you may be asking yourselves, "Is this it? Is this the news?" The answer from Update is...well...I guess Update doesn't know what to say about that. Let me say this though...bigtime foreign investment coming from a certain little Amsterdamian country. And also, BIG STOCK NEWS TO COME! soon.
November 11th, 2004
NEW NEWS NEAR
It is seriously so close.
November 10th, 2004
NEW REPORT SCHEDULED FOR NOVEMBER 11TH.
Experts predict important news. Don't miss this.
November 1st, 2004
TAQUET FILM CONTINUES CLIMB--Experts have yet to find an more successful model of greatness within the world of film companies than Taquet Film. Even though no date has been released, the news last week of the launching of "Taquet Film--The Animated Series," sent investors into a fury of activity. Some played catch with their sons for the first time in years, some got out and went shopping with their daughters, some painted the tool shed that had been neglected for the last decade. Whatever the activity, all experts agree that busy bodies mean busy buyers. And that's just what is happening. Investors are buying Taquet stock. And a LOT of it. Chairman Luke Frutkin is considering calling Taquet head Arthur Canterbury back on the telephone as soon as the financial boom slows a bit. The Executive Board doesn't believe the upcoming Presidential election on November 2nd, 2004 will have any effect on the runaway stock.
October 25th, 2004
TAQUET PUMMELING COMPETITION--As you, a simpler person not necessarily trained in the more intricate details of finance or the science of economy, at home can see by the big spike, Taquet Film has enjoyed widespread success lately. Experts are not certain what exactly is responsible for this, besides the fact that Brocktoon is HUGE in Amsterdam. He's doing a New Year's benefit concert there this year. And yes, he'll be Looking For Freedom.
October 22th, 2004
TAQUET ROCKING AND ROLLING. Stock flies as executives begin to reap benefits.
October 18th, 2004
Taquet stock is currently soaring high above most other film company stocks, and is showing no signs of cooling off...no time soon at least. Taquet is stream rolling ahead of competition and is considered the best film company to work at, hands down. Stan Hoffmelder, a self-employed, free-lance investigative journalist wrote of Taquet: "The friendly, intense, mean, and often times flat-out insane work atmosphere is appealling to a lot of workers. I'd say the biggest reason people want to work there is because it makes you very, very, very popular. I know few people that don't want to be loved. In fact I can count them on one hand." There you have it, straight from the source.
September 30th, 2004
Taquet has launched a new series of archival videos titled, "Taquet Archives." There is no real coherency to the whole operation, but it seems to be working out decently. It's the end of the month and the "Chipotle Diaries" will most likely be presented a check for $100 for its cooperation with the advertisements. Besides this, everyone at Taquet is very busy...busy will school classes, non-school classes, and Wilco concerts. Stay tuned, stay informed, and never ever stop buying this hot stock.
September 20th, 2004
As you can see for yourself, the Taquet stock is going up, up, up. Buy this stock now and you'll spend a fortune, but your children will be happy....and their kids after that. This young bucking company is hungry for lunch. Literally. I'm going to lunch.
September 7th, 2004
After the Booty Party, Taquet Film's stock has been slowing a tiny bit, and "The Sad Captain" didn't have enough steam to power the mighty Taquet. However, the stock. Is. Amazing. Seriously, start buying and buy soon. We know it's expensive, but trust us...it would be in your best interest to buy now. Many of you might think that we're a little biased or that it might be in our best financial interest to say that the stock is doing "great." This is 100% true. However, we are also telling the truth. So both are true, and that's great for everyone. Quick rundown of some of the execs--

Booty Thunder--New tennis rivally with fellow executive, Luke Frutkin. New DVD and CD being produced combines remastered versions of Booty Convention 2004 and Booty Extravaganza 2001 coming soon.

ACTION from Action Audio--Started off his solo music career on Friday night. Taquet fans were pleasantly surprised with his voice.

Brocktoon--Still involved with Studio placement operations. Sounds confusing, but trust us...very lucrative."

Padukes.com--Excreting lustful pheromones.

Scientist O'Connor--Mixing potions for this year's summer company picnic, which takes place in the Fall.

Look for two Basement Reels to be released this week, along with the highly anticipated, "TAQUET RADIO!!"

August 30th, 2004
Strong, strong, strong. Whether or not Taquet's now infamous "Dark Ages" are over as rumors suggest, Taquet stock continues to soar. The turnover week from August to September will prove to continue this trend. Massive structural changes and improvements are expected and stockholders should feel lucky to be in such a good spot. Booty Thunder DVD, CDs, and other paraphernalia will hit the shelves. A huge reorganization of the famous Internet site and stock options. "The Basement Reel" DVD, as well as a rumored new "Basement Reel" in the works. All the departments will soon be in full swing as Taquet emerges in spectacular good favor from the "Dark Ages" just as predicted. Please stay tuned, this week will be exciting.
August 24th, 2004
Well, the new reports are here and it seams that even though Taquet Studios has been going through the Dark Ages, numbers continue to increase. Arthur Canterbury attributes this to the new Booty Thunder music videos. "Right now," he told press yesterday, we're just all riding on booty." Chairman Frutkin is still on his summer vacation with his wife. ACTION from Action Audio continues to be popular amongst the wedding crowd. Brocktoon is looking for an extra studio to buy. Padukes.com is very busy sorting out his female pursuers.
August 23th, 2004
This week's stock report is coming SOON. Let me give you hint...it's amazing.
August 17th, 2004
Despite widespread corporate structure changes being implemented last week, Taquet stock is booming. Analysts are looking forward to Rennaissance period at the studio in the coming next few weeks. Currently, a software industry giant from the West Coast has mutual investment in Taquet, sucking up their immense resources and at times weakening moral. Watch out for this. Everyone will breath deeper as Taquet rises from this spreadsheet marriage.
August 10th, 2004
Taquet Film had a positively popular weekend, most likely due to fans looking for Booty Convention 2004 updates. Taquet continues its steady upward climb, reaching 150 to 200 fans during the typical weekday, usually peaking on Wednesday somewhere between 175 to 250.

The Chairman says that Taquet could use a new Basement Reel that isn't a bomb, however, the Board understands the company is currently restructuring.

Brocktoon sales continue to lag, despite rumors of a new "Reel." Manangement blames itself for not giving enough support and resources to the talented and dangerous young executive.

ast week was slow for ACTION from Action Audio in the Forum department.

Despite widespread rumors of this being its last season, the "Chipotle Diaries" continues to be steady for the company.